Surviving on your own

Where to begin? The money? The moods? The stress? The settling in? The family?

After being broke for the first time in three years, like can't pay a bill other than rent and groceries kind of broke, I had to have the awesome conversation with my loving parents. I'm thankful for my parents but ashamed at the fact that a woman on her own had to make the call. So I put my big girl panties on and continued on. A budget in hand and still more broke. Time for a second job and sell off all of my belongings to try to make ends meet. How do people do this? Between pressure at work, the stress of just living and being depressed with high anxiety, I can't keep just myself straight. Which brings me to my most recent thoughts.

Everyone I know either lives at home or lives with someone. I think I'm the only person I interact with on a daily basis that has been on their own for the past three years between the ages of 20 and 30. Although it has had it's ups and downs and good and bad, this is the worst it has been for a while. If by 27, you live at home and haven't paid rent and supported yourself, what kind of life experience are you gaining? I was forced to grow up at a young age and took care of myself for a long time before I had the actual help of roommates or significant others. Since then, I have continued to fight for where I am now, and won't stop until I can have the life I dream. It just makes me look at society a little harder everyday. You can buy that designer bag, glasses and jewelry that I've never had but I find value in much smaller things. Leaving the grocery store under $100 and making it last two weeks or more for every meal without eating out is something to brag about. Cooking 4 nights a week and eating leftovers on your budget is something to brag about. Saving for your oil change and tire rotations on time and enough to pay for surprise dr appointments and the medicines prescribed is something to brag about. It's funny the things you value most when you live alone.

I adore someone else taking out my trash, mowing the lawn, helping me move furniture, cooking together or someone bringing home carry-out because it's been that long of a day. Those are the things I miss most. Having someone there to talk to and help you survive both physically and emotionally is one of the most amazing things I took for granted.

If I could go back to college and do it again, from the time of 2006 on, I would do it in a heart beat. Things I would consider:
- I am not going to use all the yarn I buy.
- Half the food you buy in college goes bad.
- Use the nights you have friends over to your advantage.
- Save money by learning to budget early.
- coupon.
- Don't stress out so much. You'll get it done.
- Laundry is easier in small doses.
- Take advantage of dollar beer night as much as possible.
- Go to bed earlier and work out.
- Do something for yourself once a week.
- TV shows don't help you do homework.
- Boys suck.
- Long distance will only hurt more.
- Live on campus at least once.
- Go to other peoples house, its less to clean up.
- Ride the bus.
- It all gets harder once you finish.

I want to go back and go to school longer to find myself more. I find my family continues to hold me back from what's next for me. Rushed. Guilty. Obligated. Pressured. Stressed. I should have stayed in NC longer and continued my life there. I don't regret moving to Baltimore but I will always wonder where I would be if I stayed there and continued my life with the people I am closest and adore.

Anyway, living on your own is hard. Harder than most people think. Speaking of thinking, too many thoughts. You have to be excellent at communication to not go crazy. Get your thoughts out and have connecting adult conversations that can take you away from your pretend you life at work. There's only so much I can do... and handle.